Angle ---> Mae

Dude. So I'm still officially of the opinion that someone has put a hex on me. With that said... let's divert our attention to other things.

1. What first attracted you to the blogging world? Why did you start blogging?
2. If you had a day to yourself and you could do anything at all w/o feeling guilty or like you were shirking responsibilities what would you do?
3. Favorite guilty pleasure?
4. Zombies are taking over the world! What do you do?
5. Favorite meal to cook? Can you share the recipe?

Speaking of Background Sounds

It's a lazy Saturday, and I'm sitting here in front of the TV, not actually watching, doing some work... and really? it reminded me of that little "conversation" we had about background sounds in the house.

N is out running errands, and I'm working on incredibly late wedding thank yous. It's nice having a moment to myself. But I still need to fill the hours with sound.

Maeko/Mae-Mae --> Angle

I'm having a day today. You know, the kind of day where you wake up, praying to the Universe--whether you believe in a God or not--that the day just goes well, because the rest of the week just has been one emotional turbulence after another? One of those days.

My immediate response to having a shit-tastic morning was to write my best friends Trixie (alias) and Jazz (also an alias) an email, and then a blog post to tell you about it.

But now that I'm writing you, I don't feel like whining about stupid people who drop last minute projects on my desk, expecting me to deliver it in a minute or two. It just seems so trivial, even though my emotions are still heated. I mean, I'm a bit steamed... I felt like just, writing my friends, to let it all out. But now, I don't feel like talking about it. I'm so silly.

---

1. Favourite smells: Unlike you, I'm not as auditory or olfactory oriented. I think I'm a visual person... But I must say, my favourite smells are our sheets freshly out of the laundry. The smell of N's favourite love-worn (from wear!) sweatshirt after he's worn it. Gardenia's. Freshly baked pastries and croissants. Vegetarian (Morningstar Farms) sausage patties as they crisp up. Did you know you can put them in the toaster instead of microwaving them or cooking them in a pan? So good.
2. Color: I have never seen a color that ever brought me back to certain memories. I've always read about it, or even heard stories.
   
   For example, there was this time when I was in college, there was this dude in the Ministry/Seminary/Religious Studies program who date raped this delightfully vivacious girl I was friends with... months later she had broken all form of communication with him and his friends, and one day she was walking down the street and she saw something on the ground--a coin, I think--and she stooped to pick it up, and she saw the colour of her nails, a minty, metallic green, and she immediately felt anger bubbling up in her, and she was so, so filled with rage, that she punched the ground instead of picking up the coin, injuring her hand. She later told me she realized that the nail lacquer was the same colour of the boy's car, and it must've recalled scenes from when he hurt her.
   
   I have never had such a lucid connection or memory from just looking at a colour or print or pattern, but I am strongly drawn to colors.
3. On that note: I think a bright, but earthy jade-ish/lime-ish (or a cross between, like a dark, dark chartreuse) and teal and royal blue and red are refreshing and empowering colours. I'm wearing teal eyeshadow today, and that limey, jade-y green. I'm not rocking red lips today, but if I feel like shit, I often pull out the red lipstain I always carry in my purse, and fill in my lips with a layer of it.
   
   Red lips require confidence and an internal ferocity because the shade elicits so much attention. Not for the faint of heart... so I wear it when I'm feeling less than optimal, because then it demands I start to at least act confident. Fierce mouth, chin up, stiff upper lip, carry on.
   
   
   
   
   
   I also like purples or yellows lately, but I hardly ever have anything in my wardrobe of either color. Like you, I have an array of white, grey, black, and blue shades in my arsenal... But I'm not much of a neutral lover. I always try to have a pop of colour, because I feel some of the colour's energy and verve and vim will somehow absorb into me.
4. The worst job I ever had? I'd say this one but then again I've never been 100% happy at any I've ever had. In high school, when I was a sophomore, one of my many jobs on my K-12 campus was janitorial squad. We cleaned the elementary bathrooms--public washrooms, and classroom loos. There was this one day that a kid decided to have explosive, atomic poo in the urinal, and no one else wanted to clean it, and being the smallest out of the five of us, I was naturally bullied into cleaning it. It was probably the worst thing I'd ever seen as a kid, and probably one of the worst things I'd had to smell until recently.
   
   My 45lb terrier often eats things that make him sick. He has a very tender digestive system. About a month or more ago, his food or something made him very, very sick. I made sure to take him for a long walk and make sure he was drained of any fluids and solids before I went out to meet my blogger pals in Detroit. I came home about midnight to find a 1 foot puddle and a 2 foot waterfall stain of chunky, projectile poo... That was probably worse than cleaning up an 8 year old's diarrhea out of a urinal. I probably won't blink at much now, unless I get poo on my face.
   
   I also worked in a doctor's office that mainly catered to trans-gender people, or people who wanted to become trans-gender or change gender... and the doctor there had the worst case of bi-polarity I've ever, ever experienced in my life. One day he loved me, the next day I was fired. I was a file clerk. All I had to do was file patient charts back in the stacks at the end of the day after school.
   
   One day a stack of patient charts went missing. The Doctor blamed me, and fired me on the spot, even though I hadn't even come into work yet that day. We all knew it was the chubby front desk admin girl who snacked too much, and gossiped with the patients more than doing her job... she had likely left out the stack at the end of the day where she sometimes did during the day, instead of putting them in the "to file" bin which was locked at night... it was likely that it was knocked over into the trash when someone was walking by (it'd happened before, but they caught it), and then they got discarded by the janitorial staff.
   
   I'd only been working there a month. Apparently, he said some very nasty things about me. I don't think he was on enough lithium.
5. There has never been a defining, mortifying moment in my life in recent memory that particularly stands out. I was humiliated and picked on a lot in elementary school and so I always had some emotional/insecurity issues, though.
   
   I remember, as a kid, I hated being put on the spot... or people seeing when I made a mistake I couldn't recover from. Every few months, we would have a piano recital. It was always a big deal. Food/drink, performances in our Sunday Best... well, I remember one particularly humiliating performance in which I got to the middle of my piece and I couldn't remember a whole section of it to get to the next section... I kept stumbling, terribly, I started crying and stopped... and it was only with a lot of cajoling from my friends and my mum that I tried my best to haltingly finish. I kind of flubbed it really badly until I got to a part I remembered and I finished the piece. And although the people clapped for me, I still felt awful. My face burned, my palms were soaking and clammy. I ran to the bathroom where I bawled my eyes out, humiliated and ashamed. My best friend came in and cried with me.
   
   I'm not even sure I've had a moment that's ever rivaled that moment. I think I was 11 or 12. I continued piano lessons until I was fourteen, and then I quit.
   
   I have pretty much lost most of my piano skill since then. Sad, really.

Whew! Your turn!

Angle ----> Mae

I really feel you on the time change! I can't fall asleep and I CAN'T wake up!! Coffee is my ultimate ally during such sleep deprived times.




Mae asks:

1. You asked me what sounds are my favourite? Well, what are your favourite smells? Why?
2. Do you ever find that colors can transport you to specific memories? If so, name some examples.
3. On that note, what's your favorite color? Do you find that it gives you different energy when you wear it/them?
4. What is the worst job you ever had?
5. Name a time when you were most mortified, and how you dealt with it.

Angle says:

• I love the smell of coffee brewing while I'm just waking up in the morning. It's such a huge incentive to get my lazy bum out of bed!! Which makes me realise I should be making coffee at home and setting the timer to wake me up with wonderful COFFEE!! The smell after it rains always me pretty happy, once the sun is out and everything looks cleaner... a little fresher... and that smell is so envigorating for me!

• Colors connected to moments. You know visual stuff doesn't trigger me the same way a smell does. But if I think really hard on it I can come up with maybe a moment or two. The color peach (pinkish organge) always reminds me of this really terrible sweater I loved in High School. It was a simple vintage v-neck sweater that was a little too tight on me. In my photo album I have a couple of pictures where I'm wearing it back to these baggy patched up hippy jeans I borrowed from my best friend at the time. She was so beautiful that everything she wore looked amazing. I used to borrow her clothes in the hopes that I would suddenly be a stunning as her. When I look at those pictures now it's a good reminder that you shouldn't buy things that look good on other people. There's a pretty good chance that what works on their body won't work on yours!

• I've mentioned before on my other blog my feelings on color. Mostly I'm afraid of them!! I'm never feeling quite myself if I'm wearing too much of it. I try to infuse the few colors I do like where I can. In terms of actual color I'm willing to wear: teal, (pops) of red, (small hints of) neon yellow or pink, and A LOT of orange. My boyfriend says I like orange because it's a neutral color... in his eyes it almost doesn't count. Now. If you want to know what "colors" I feel my best in I would say any combination of: grey, ivory, beige, camel, black, navy. In the eyes of color lovers EVERYWHERE what I listed are NOT colors. But for me I feel the most put together and the most myself when wearing said non-colors.

• Worst job. I consider almost every job I had up until my current position to be their own form of terrible. I could go on and on about all the "interesting" situations I've been in. BUT by far the worst job I ever had was working as a waitress in Sacramento during my college years. Why? The whole job was set up to fail. It was a restaruant inside a hotel. Brand new with no formal plan on how to staff or serve their customers. I was DESPERATE for a job at the time. I mean really hard up. At the time there was simple no work ANYWHERE. I even applied to Burger King and then promptly cried when they hired me on the spot (I didn't take the job, rather said I had to think about it and then ran from the building). Short of working a deep frier I was willing to do almost anything. Two of my friends even suggested stripping when I became beyond desperate. I didn't do that either. When the waitress job became available I went in told a white lie that I had years of waitressing experience. Which is partially true. I had worked food service in the past (Deli, Coffee Shop, Banquet Server) so I figured it couldn't be that hard. Truth be told the job was pretty easy in theory. Had they hired at least ONE OTHER waitress I would have been 100X happier. But they didn't. So, I was the only  morning waitress all by myself plus the cook back in the kitchen. Trouble entered the picture when they looked at my resume and say my coffee shop experience. Next thing I knew they invested in a fancy expresso machine for ME ALONE to operate. I would be working my tables and the like when next thing I knew I had an order for 10 specialty coffee drinks from the executives upstairs. Pulling shots, steaming coffee, keeping coffee orders straight on top of my tables and being the cashier became an issue. Bad enough right? THEN they decided "wouldn't it be great if we offered room service?" - sure. But did they hire another server to help me manage the restaraunt? Nope. Then I found myself taking orders, serving, busing tables (no bus boys), pulling coffee, ringing people up, and NOW taking room service orders and finally DELIVERING the room service. ALL BY MYSELF!! It was a disaster. My tips which already weren't good became non-exisitent as the customers became impatient and angry. Can't blame them really. The service was probably pretty terrible. The final straw came when we hired a new cook that couldn't cook. Her food was terrible not to mention slow to come out. All of this combined and one day my body just gave up. While trying to serve a girls soft ball team I felt myself getting weird cold sweats. Next thing I knew my face started to feel like a mask of pain. The sensation was almost like I could take off the mask and the pain would be gone. A relative had to come pick me up and take me to the emergency room where I was told that my face had broken out into hives but they could find no reason for it. I was given antibiotics and told to rest for a couple of days before returning to work. At that point I just quit my job and decided that I needed to move back home to my Mother's house where I wouldn't have to work full time to make ends meet while going to school. I have never again worked food service to this day.

• I battle issues of insecurity and shame quite a bit so in that way I feel mortified rather easily. MOST mortified is a hard one to pin down. I would have to say getting caught in a lie is probably the worst feeling for me. I try not to lie if possible but hey, nobody is perfect! Once my roommates girlfriend (she sorta moved in with him/us) was having some of her friends over for a girls night. I was invited I'm guessing because I lived there. I didn't know her friends that well but they seemed nice enough. After many blender made mix-drinks there was a heated conversation over a CD (I'm pretty sure it was a CD... gets a little fuzzy here). Apparently one girl was accusing the other of borrowing said CD and never returning it. My roommates girlfriend was the accuser. On the side she told me all about how it really was her CD but that her friend is always stealing from her. Soo... I thought, "I can do something about this for her! I can right this wrong!" - so while everyone was in the kitchen I took the CD in question and put in in my roommates gf's purse. I had totally forgotten about it until about 2 hours later the friend started freaking out and yelling about how someone stole the CD from her. I felt my tummy go splat and got the shakes. I had to come clean to what I did in front of an entire group of girls I didn't really know. Not my best moment even though my intentions were good.

Phew... those were some hard ones!! Your turn to answer!

Mae-Mae ---> LeTrix

I'm so tired today I'm loopy and hyper, which is kind of counter-intuitive, since you would think one would be kind of slagging rather than loopy if she were exhausted, which I am.

Why is it that this time change really just bugs me out? I got almost a normal night of sleep last night. I fell asleep before 1AM! That is a monumental accomplishment for me! I NEVER sleep before 1AM. But yet, this morning, I couldn't drag myself out of bed before 8:30. Uhhhh, bad idea. I need to be at work at 8?

I'm taking a working lunch today. But I'll combine my afternoon breaks to race home to let the dog out and pack myself a lunch to take back to the office.

Le Sigh.

How're you today?

My turn to ask the questions now:

1. You asked me what sounds are my favourite? Well, what are your favourite smells? Why?
2. Do you ever find that colors can transport you to specific memories? If so, name some examples.
3. On that note, what's your favorite color? Do you find that it gives you different energy when you wear it/them?
4. What is the worst job you ever had?
5. Name a time when you were most mortified, and how you dealt with it.

03.16.10: Maeko-Mae-Mae --> Le Trix

 

Le Trix: response to own questions

 

 

1. When you're feeling bummed for no reason (OR EVERY REASON!!) what tricks do you use to pick yourself back up?
2. What is your favorite sound & why?
3. What item of clothing in your closet always makes you feel great about yourself when you put it on?
4. Go to karaoke song? If you don't have one which song might you consider of all sanity left your body ;)
5. A place you've never gone but have always wanted to visit?

I have a lot of time on my hands today...

1. My number one favorite thing to do when I was blue was online shop or simply SHOP in general. I'm learning what an unhealthy tool this has been for me. Buying new items was the momentary rush I needed to feel better but it was never long lasting enough. Plus, there is the guilt that follows spending money which would bring me right back down again. NOW I'm learning to do other things. I find going for a walk lifts usually lifts my mood. Probably a combination of the movement and the distractions all around. When I'm out walking I do something you might think is silly.... but I like to close my eyes (when I'm alone-ish) and listen... and feel. If there is sun on my face I try to feel the warmth... listening to the sounds around me... looking for a moment where I feel close to everything again vs. apart from everything.

2. Favorite sound. Well, I have to say I love it when my dog falls asleep and starts dreaming. Magic happens where he BARKS IN HIS SLEEP! It makes a weird sound because he's barking but his mouth is closed so it sounds like a series of bleeps and gurgles. It's pretty cute. My other favorite sound is rain on the roof and windows... bonus if I'm cuddled up under some blankets with my boyfriend.

3. First and foremost I have major issues with my body. So clothing is my number one attack point for hiding said issues. An oversized denim shirt over skinny black jeans always makes me feel comfortable and still ... cute? It's been said that I don't wear skirts or dresses enough, and this is probably true. I just really prefer a pair of jeans... take that! Something not in my closet that makes me feel better can be found in my make-up case. I LOVE false eyelashes. Nothing makes me feel like an actual girl than looooong fluttering eyelashes! For daytime I use individual lashes just on the end of my lashline. For going out at night (when I have the energy or when I even go out!) I like to use longer (but not fake long) stips (faster than applying a ton of individuals).

4. I have a TERRIBLE Karaoke voice. Just horrible. Have you ever seen that rom-com with Cameron Diaz & Julia Robers? I think it's called "My Best Friends Wedding"? There is a scene where Ms Roberts tricks a very preppy Ms Diaz into singing at a karaoke bar and it sounds something like a cat drowning in a bubble bath. That's what I sound like. BUT! With that said I really like private room Karaoke with my friends. Go to songs are:

"Dancing with Myself" - Billy Idol

"Kiss" - Prince

"Hit Me Baby One More Time" - Britney Spears

    

5. There is a very long list of places I would like to see. My goal was always to get out of the Country more but there are also so many great places RIGHT HERE in the US that I want to visit. This summer I'm crossing Atlanta, GA  off my list. I'm going to visit one of my dearest friends for a week. It will be heaven! All I want to do is drink coffee, eat foods, and be around my friend Christina! I miss her energy so much. If it wasn't for meeting her I think my life in SF would have been dismal those two years.

 

Out of the country I would like to visit Japan (under the supervision of my boyfriend) & Thailand.

Phew!! Your turn for questions! Pretty fun so far!

xoA

 

Never on time in my life.

Was just reading through your blogger profile. I'm never, ever on time, either.

IN MY LIFE.

Okay, well, maybe sometimes, but never on a regular basis.

We're like made to be best friends or something. :P

03.16.10: Le Trix --> Maeko-Mae-Mae

Le Trix wrote:

1. When you're feeling bummed for no reason (OR EVERY REASON!!) what tricks do you use to pick yourself back up?
2. What is your favorite sound & why?
3. What item of clothing in your closet always makes you feel great about yourself when you put it on?
4. Go to karaoke song? If you don't have one which song might you consider of all sanity left your body ;)
5. A place you've never gone but have always wanted to visit?

Maeko/Mae-mae says:
Hmmmm... Gotta think.

1. When I'm feeling shit-tay, what do I do to make myself feel better? Hmm. I just don't know.
   Sometimes, I'll turn to make up. Experiment with a new look, or buy a make up treatment that will fix something about my face I hate. Or I'll buy myself low-fat ice cream and a tub of Trader Joe's dunkers cookies and watch a bunch of girly TV and paint my nails.
   
   Lately, I've been obsessively watching Being Erica, which airs on Soap Net, Hulu and CBC (it's a Toronto TV show). Everything about Erica's life (other than being 32 and unmarried) reminds me of my life. I think you might like the show... It's really fun. She time travels! It's a sci-fi girly show! Without all the space stuff.
   
   I also read a book or cook something yummilicious.
2. What is my favourite sound? Why did you have to choose such a TOUGH ONE!
   
   I used to love the sound of the ocean. Something very calming about it. But now, I like silence. Or a quiet house with a bit of TV in the background. It means I'm home, where I can drop all my masks or facades. Where the people I love love me back without agency and I can stop feeling like I need to protect myself, drop some act of being perfect and bubbly and happy all the time. Plus, it's where I can play with my Bear Dog and snuggle with Husby. If the house didn't have their noises or sounds, it would be an empty, empty world, bereft of happiness (for me).
3. I honestly don't think there is anything in my closet that 100% makes me feel great about myself when I put it on. I usually feel that way about my favourite necklace from France (it's handmade by French artisans with crystals and handblown glass and gold), or deep red lipstick.
   
   Well, and lately my yellow Melissa + Vivienne Westwood shoes make me smile a lot. Does that count?
4. KARAOKE! THERE ARE SO MANY. I used to compile top ten lists of songs, but I can honestly say right now that I don't have a favourite that blows all other favourites out of the water. No soul-folding, heart-wrenching 100% perfect song.
   
   
   • For Happy: "Sister Kate" by the Dittybops. This song never fails to make me want to dance or sing along. Also, "Golden Slumbers" by the Beatles, sung by Ringo Starr. His voice really shines on this, and I dream of singing this to my kids one day.
   • For Love: "I will" by the Beatles. I wanted to sing this song to N when we got married. But I didn't want it to be the Maeko Show.
   • For sadness: "The Long and Winding Road" by the Beatles, and "Little Bird" by the Weepies.
   • For moving on and letting go and learning to live: "It is Well With My Soul" - A Christian Hymn.
5. Places in the world I want to visit! OH MAN!
   
   • Honeymoon: JAPAN (Okinawa, Hokkaido and Tokyo... Japan's Hawaii and Alaska, and of course, the city.)
   • Peru - Machu Pichu!
   • N wants to go to Patagonia in Chile. I could do that...
   • Tibet and Nepal and Bhutan--because Bhutan has "Gross National Happiness." Who wouldn't want to go there?
   • Iceland (Honeymoon idea #2). Google their blue lagoon healing properties. POW. Amazing.
   • Cambodia's Angkor Wat

YOUR TURN!

I'll write you a few more questions once I think of some!

Coffee, Tea, or ME!

There is nothing better than when a little chat turns into reality! I'm super excited to have a place to talk, complain, laugh, cry, share and more importantly.... drink coffee with an online friend!!

Here is what I look like most mornings, sipping my coffee. Although... looking at this picture it kinda looks like I'm nursing my coffee!! Well, that's probably a more accurate description anyway.

Let's chat.
xoA

Hello world.

Come join us for a cup of tea.